22. The Dogs Are Never the Problem
Notes from a few years living in other people’s homes
Let’s get one thing straight—the dogs are rarely the issue.
They don’t overexplain.
They don’t move the goalposts when you arrive.
They don’t passive-aggressively leave four dishwasher tabs for a ten-day sit. (Though I always take my own)
They just show up—with their joy, their stubbornness, their unapologetic shedding—and they say,
"Here I am. Sniff. Who are you?"
I’ve shared space with all kinds:
an old girl who refused to be walked
a lab who insisted on eating his brother’s poo
a Shih Tzu who judged me like a mother-in-law
and a teacup trio who triggered a poem from my dog that doesn’t technically speak (but you try telling him that)
The houses change. The humans change.
But the dogs?
They always teach me something about the human race and meet me exactly in the immediate space where I am.
This is not a complaint column.
It’s a love letter.
To the lives I’ve passed through.
To the dogs who’ve seen my bags (ditched the suitcase!) come in and out.
To the wild magic of living in perpetual motion—and how oddly permanent it started to feel.
When I first set out with a 3-6 months timeline in mind, and dates booked back to back, I didn’t envisage the friendships, both furry and humankind I would make.
I didn’t envisage the sidestepping I would witness and blind lack of responsibility that would show itself.
I certainly didn’t see the vast amount it would give me nor the adventure that was waiting.
And being honest, I didn’t see myself at two and a half years in and counting!
I’ve experienced gas leaks whereby the homeowner despite being told did nothing to support me. I got the gas turned off for my safety. Then they swung into action, later confessing they would have been terrified! My take on that is they would have been more terrified if it had escalated!
I’ve experienced lack of transparency (polite wording!) when you are not told there will
be building works
the dog is in season
that reasonable recall means no recall
that we have a flea infestation we can’t control
that our huge dog will rear up with other dogs because he is so reactive.
The list is a long one.
And I’ve experienced wonderful generosity and lots of laughter.
Times when I’ve been blown away by kindness.
Teamwork making both dreams work.
Homeowners going above and beyond showing me around the area to make my life work. Introducing me to other wonderful neighbours who have been instrumental in some fun times.
Like the time I had a couple of nights dangling and unaccounted for at the foot of Cornwall. But yours truly had forgotten! It was another homeowner who asked after me to remind me!
And this time there was no dashing back to Marlow.
I was laughing with the homeowner’s mum, who I’d invited out for a walk. As we strolled, I marvelled at my menopausal brain—how do you forget you’ve got two nights adrift?
‘Whatever will you do?’ she asked. ‘Not worry’, I said.
I know it will always work out, I thought—*swiftly gets laptop out to find somewhere suitable to park an overloaded car and be accepting of a small dog.*
This would have been the first time I messed up my plans. How disappointing.
A few hours later, the mum messaged to say she wanted to invite me to stay with her; that it would be a pleasure if I would and she would enjoy the company. Wowzer!
No protestations allowed and my plans back on track.
We had a stunning couple of nights in her beautiful home.
We cooked for each other.
Laughed about family life.
Held the sadness of her lost husband.
And visited two secluded but vast beaches round the corner from her in Cornwall I would otherwise have never seen.
I loved staying with her. It was one of the treats of my adventures.
As always with humanity. There is the bloody amazing, the good, the bad and the downright ugly. I have had all of those.
And throughout it all I have continued to show up, hand outstretched, big smile—Hi, I’m Deborah, pleased to meet you.
There’s often a fine sidestep between doing the right thing—and not.
For sure there have been times in my life when I’ve not been especially pleased with my actions, or they have been less than I would have liked to have given. Every day there are choices to be made.
The question is—which side are you coming down on?